what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
