That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
