oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
