would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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