I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
