I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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