All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
