my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
