I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Randomize
