Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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