I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
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