I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
