Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
