omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
