I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
