well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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