i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
