I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
