my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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