In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
