would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
