My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
