I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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