So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
