are you still at the devil's house?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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