i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
