oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
