tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
