If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
