2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
