Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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