On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Sorry my hands just texted you
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
