so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
