There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
