they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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