Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
