Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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