I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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