I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
