It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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