I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
