Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Sorry about my life...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
