literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
