my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
