M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
