Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
