her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
