i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
