ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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