we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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